1. "Get down from there!!"
I must say this 10x a day and even more when I'm on the phone. I swear, just because I'm talking to someone doesn't give the green light to play jungle gym with the furniture and kitchen counters!
2. "Stop walking backwards with scissors in your hand"
Gotta hand it to my sister, always safety first!
3. "What did you just wipe on me?"
Parents are like human napkins. If you don't have kids and you've heard this coming from the other end of the phone line, you might have a raised eyebrow. Don't worry, it happens.
That one speaks for itself. This includes your screams as well as the screeching sound in the background. Don't be alarmed. Just stay quiet and wait for it to pass.
5. "Someone grab me some toilet paper!"
Don't judge me! Sometimes the only place I can have a conversation by myself is in the bathroom. There may or may not have been times I ran out of toilet paper during those few times. Let's move on...
6. "Turn down the T.V.!"
Seriously! I can barely hear the person on the other line without added noise from your cartoon. Ain't nobody got time for that noise!
7. "Put away the streamers"
I can be a somewhat crafty mom so this means I have odds and ends of streamers, yarn, glue, buttons and the dreaded word...GLITTER! Since I encourage their imagination, my son likes to use streamers to make himself a mummy. He's happy but it makes a HUGE mess!
8. Mommy! Mom! Mama! Moooommmm!!
THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! Not to mention how annoying it sounds to the person on the other end hearing your mom 'call' name said over and over and freaking over again!
9. "Leave her/him ALONE!!!"
Kids seem to think when you're on the phone it means open season on their brother or sister! Of course, at this point, all hell breaks loose. At which point you quickly put your phone on mute so the person on the receiving end doesn't go deaf when you start yelling at the kids to cut that shit out!!
10. "I gotta get these kids in BED!"
This is a personal favorite of mine. Mostly because if and when I do get a phone call, it usually happens to be right between 7-8pm. I have instructed just about everyone I know NOT to call me during this time. Not unless they want to hear my voicemail anyway. Unless you're a parent you wouldn't understand the happiness that comes from having all the children asleep in bed. It's like the motherload of accomplishments for the day.
I'm sure there are plenty more I'm missing but for now those are my top 10. One last quote that my dad says to me almost every phone call. I used to get annoyed at him, but now I get how frustrating it must be to have a phone conversation with me. =)
"Let me know if you're talking to me or the kids" - Dad